Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
This evening, I went to my new high school to get my locker/books/ID card/pay fees, and I realized something. Up until today, this move hasn't felt real to me. I always spend most, if not all of the summer at my mom's house, but today really solidified it for me...I live here now. And that is so overwhelming to think about.
~~~~~
This is the first time in my life that I've moved. I mean, sure, my mom has moved five times, and each time I've helped her, but for the first time, I've permanently moved out of the house I grew up in.
~~~~~
Why is this so scary to me? This is what I've wanted for so long, but now that it's actually been made real, I'm terrified. Why, readers, is this? Is it an insane fear of the unknown, or something deeper than that? Being thrust into a new situation like this...I'm just not sure how to re-convince myself that this is a good thing.
~~~~~
I'm so glad I started up the old bloggity again, or else I would make myself mental keeping this bottled up. To whomever is reading this...if you have gone through some sort of major upheaval, how did you keep yourself from losing your mind? How did you acclimate yourself to your new surroundings? And is it normal for a person to be this startled and scared? Please tell me about your experiences, so I can figure out a way to chill out. No need to be this high strung going into my senior year, now is there?
~~~~~
So, in closing, I'd like to thank you, whoever you are, for tuning back in to this pathetically neurotic account of my pathetically neurotic existence. With that, I'll say, goodnight, good reader, and I'll talk to you soon.
31 August, 2010
28 August, 2010
My First Rant On The New Rantings!
Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
I have quite the rant for you tonight. Are you ready? Good. Let's begin.
~~~~~
For those of you who don't know, I am...not a straight individual. Let me explain. I do not like to consider myself bisexual (no offense to those of you who are!). The term "bisexual" indicates, to me, a person who is attracted to both sexes equally. I, however, don't look at people by their sex or gender identity. I look at people as people. If I'm attracted to someone, it doesn't matter whether they are male or female, or transgendered or transsexual.
~~~~~
That having been said, I guess the designation most easily given to me is "pansexual" (if you've never heard of it, look it up). I am very active in my local LGBT community, and I have gone to so many marriage equality rallies, it would blow your mind. So, with that having been said let me also share something else with you...I am a Satanist. I won't go into detail here, but no, I don't sacrifice kittens on the devil's altar. I am a normal person, I just follow a strange religion. Just because you don't know much about it doesn't make me a psychopath.
~~~~~
Ok, now that all of my explanation is out of the way, onto the rant...
~~~~~
I have an old acquaintance. This kid is confused about life. When I first met him, we were in a Christian school, and he adamantly denied any homosexual tendencies, even though my gaydar exploded when I saw him. But that was fine. I felt that he needed to be allowed to figure himself out without my help, or anyone else's, for that matter. When people called him a fag, I was the first to defend him. Always. I didn't feel that he should be told that he was something that he wasn't necessarily comfortable addressing yet. When he went to high school, he blossomed. He came out as being gay, and although he didn't have his family backing him up, he stayed positive and kept his chin up, despite what anyone said.
~~~~~
This lasted for the last three years. Until about three weeks ago, he was a proud gay boy. Apparently though, he went to church camp, and "people prayed over him," and now he's been "converted."
~~~~~
This makes me sick. This is the reason that LGBT people in this country have no equality. Thousands of people can say that being gay/lesbian/bi/trans isn't a choice, it's the way they are, and they're proud of it...and then one stupid little fuck can go and "pray the gay away," and those thousands upon thousands of people are immediately discredited. I've spent a good deal of the last six years preaching and ranting about equality for the LGBT community, and people like this shit all over all that work. Oh, and they attack me, saying that I'm not mentally stable because I'm a Satanist.
~~~~~
So, to that person, you know who you are...fuck you. I hope when you die and realize that there's no God and you spent your life lying to yourself, you look back and see how much you threw away, just so you could pretend to be straight. I will tell you now, none of your friends in the gay community will appreciate your attempts to "pray for Jesus to cure them." It's gayness, not cancer. It's not a fucking disease, you ignorant asshole.
~~~~~
Ok! So, you've now gotten to experience the first rant of the new awakening of Rantings! Hope you feel as good about it as I do :)
~~~~~
I have quite the rant for you tonight. Are you ready? Good. Let's begin.
~~~~~
For those of you who don't know, I am...not a straight individual. Let me explain. I do not like to consider myself bisexual (no offense to those of you who are!). The term "bisexual" indicates, to me, a person who is attracted to both sexes equally. I, however, don't look at people by their sex or gender identity. I look at people as people. If I'm attracted to someone, it doesn't matter whether they are male or female, or transgendered or transsexual.
~~~~~
That having been said, I guess the designation most easily given to me is "pansexual" (if you've never heard of it, look it up). I am very active in my local LGBT community, and I have gone to so many marriage equality rallies, it would blow your mind. So, with that having been said let me also share something else with you...I am a Satanist. I won't go into detail here, but no, I don't sacrifice kittens on the devil's altar. I am a normal person, I just follow a strange religion. Just because you don't know much about it doesn't make me a psychopath.
~~~~~
Ok, now that all of my explanation is out of the way, onto the rant...
~~~~~
I have an old acquaintance. This kid is confused about life. When I first met him, we were in a Christian school, and he adamantly denied any homosexual tendencies, even though my gaydar exploded when I saw him. But that was fine. I felt that he needed to be allowed to figure himself out without my help, or anyone else's, for that matter. When people called him a fag, I was the first to defend him. Always. I didn't feel that he should be told that he was something that he wasn't necessarily comfortable addressing yet. When he went to high school, he blossomed. He came out as being gay, and although he didn't have his family backing him up, he stayed positive and kept his chin up, despite what anyone said.
~~~~~
This lasted for the last three years. Until about three weeks ago, he was a proud gay boy. Apparently though, he went to church camp, and "people prayed over him," and now he's been "converted."
~~~~~
This makes me sick. This is the reason that LGBT people in this country have no equality. Thousands of people can say that being gay/lesbian/bi/trans isn't a choice, it's the way they are, and they're proud of it...and then one stupid little fuck can go and "pray the gay away," and those thousands upon thousands of people are immediately discredited. I've spent a good deal of the last six years preaching and ranting about equality for the LGBT community, and people like this shit all over all that work. Oh, and they attack me, saying that I'm not mentally stable because I'm a Satanist.
~~~~~
So, to that person, you know who you are...fuck you. I hope when you die and realize that there's no God and you spent your life lying to yourself, you look back and see how much you threw away, just so you could pretend to be straight. I will tell you now, none of your friends in the gay community will appreciate your attempts to "pray for Jesus to cure them." It's gayness, not cancer. It's not a fucking disease, you ignorant asshole.
~~~~~
Ok! So, you've now gotten to experience the first rant of the new awakening of Rantings! Hope you feel as good about it as I do :)
22 August, 2010
Fifth Day...Books, TV, And A Cat
Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
I only have little tidbits of stuff to share with you today. So, let's get started, shall we?
~~~~~
Firstly...MTV is known for its mindless, inane bullshit television (I say this even though I'm a slave to Jersey Shore and Teen Mom). However, today, at the prodding of a friend, I watched one of their newest shows, If You Really Knew Me.
~~~~~
It's some powerful stuff. General synopsis: each week, MTV profiles a different high school filled with cliques, gossip, violence, and just general teen angst, and brings a group of people to put on what they call "Challenge Day." All the kids are able to talk to their peers as people, not as "jocks," or "populars," or "nerds," or whatever other pointless designations they have for each other. They learn that the people who seem to have everything together really don't, and the ones who get tormented the most are the ones who really don't need it. Suffice to say, it's an excellent show, and I will gladly admit that the second episode I watched made me bawl my eyes out.
~~~~~
Ok, next order of business...this is something that I'm fairly sure only my family finds funny, but it's hilarious. Every day, at regular intervals, a gray and white cat comes into our yard to poo. We have dubbed it "Shat Cat." However, since we don't know the sex of said cat, we refer to it as a "she/he/it," or "shit," for short. Like I said, we find this so extremely clever and funny, and I thought I'd share it here so you can be amused...or you'll just think we're idiots.
~~~~~
Next and final order of business is this: I have a summer reading assignment for my English Lit class for next year. The book that is required reading is The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy. The one I chose from a group of four was One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. Now, I know, you're wondering, "why the hell should I care?"
~~~~~
Let me tell you, kind reader. I intend to post reviews and brief plot synopses of both books, so perhaps you can find some new reading material, eh?
~~~~~
With that, I have no more to say, so I guess this is ciao for now :)
~~~~~
I only have little tidbits of stuff to share with you today. So, let's get started, shall we?
~~~~~
Firstly...MTV is known for its mindless, inane bullshit television (I say this even though I'm a slave to Jersey Shore and Teen Mom). However, today, at the prodding of a friend, I watched one of their newest shows, If You Really Knew Me.
~~~~~
It's some powerful stuff. General synopsis: each week, MTV profiles a different high school filled with cliques, gossip, violence, and just general teen angst, and brings a group of people to put on what they call "Challenge Day." All the kids are able to talk to their peers as people, not as "jocks," or "populars," or "nerds," or whatever other pointless designations they have for each other. They learn that the people who seem to have everything together really don't, and the ones who get tormented the most are the ones who really don't need it. Suffice to say, it's an excellent show, and I will gladly admit that the second episode I watched made me bawl my eyes out.
~~~~~
Ok, next order of business...this is something that I'm fairly sure only my family finds funny, but it's hilarious. Every day, at regular intervals, a gray and white cat comes into our yard to poo. We have dubbed it "Shat Cat." However, since we don't know the sex of said cat, we refer to it as a "she/he/it," or "shit," for short. Like I said, we find this so extremely clever and funny, and I thought I'd share it here so you can be amused...or you'll just think we're idiots.
~~~~~
Next and final order of business is this: I have a summer reading assignment for my English Lit class for next year. The book that is required reading is The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy. The one I chose from a group of four was One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. Now, I know, you're wondering, "why the hell should I care?"
~~~~~
Let me tell you, kind reader. I intend to post reviews and brief plot synopses of both books, so perhaps you can find some new reading material, eh?
~~~~~
With that, I have no more to say, so I guess this is ciao for now :)
21 August, 2010
Fourth Day...And A New Revelation
Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
Before I speak of my new revelation, I need to make a quick statement to all the females reading this...it pays to have a tech nerd for a boyfriend. I'm currently writing this on a laptop that I thought was a brick for years after a really bad virus attack...but it's all better now, thanks to the nerdiest guy I know :)
~~~~~
So, onto the important news of my revelation...remember when, as kids, we were all afraid of getting "cooties?" Girls didn't want boy cooties, and vice versa. My revelation is that "cooties" is just a cute little euphemism for STDs.
~~~~~
Seriously. Has anyone else noticed this? We never grow out of the idea of cooties, we just gave them more scary sounding names...like herpes. Or chlamydia.
~~~~~
This was just a random thought I had that I wanted to share with the Rantings family over here, but it is currently 12.45 AM according to my computer (12.58 AM according to my cell phone and 2.58 AM according to Blogger) so I'm going to sign off and go to bed now. Ciao for now :)
~~~~~
Before I speak of my new revelation, I need to make a quick statement to all the females reading this...it pays to have a tech nerd for a boyfriend. I'm currently writing this on a laptop that I thought was a brick for years after a really bad virus attack...but it's all better now, thanks to the nerdiest guy I know :)
~~~~~
So, onto the important news of my revelation...remember when, as kids, we were all afraid of getting "cooties?" Girls didn't want boy cooties, and vice versa. My revelation is that "cooties" is just a cute little euphemism for STDs.
~~~~~
Seriously. Has anyone else noticed this? We never grow out of the idea of cooties, we just gave them more scary sounding names...like herpes. Or chlamydia.
~~~~~
This was just a random thought I had that I wanted to share with the Rantings family over here, but it is currently 12.45 AM according to my computer (12.58 AM according to my cell phone and 2.58 AM according to Blogger) so I'm going to sign off and go to bed now. Ciao for now :)
19 August, 2010
Third Day At The New House
Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
So, I registered for my new school today. And, for the first time since the relaunch of Rantings, I have an actual rant for you today. Prepare yourselves.
~~~~~
So, I was going through the handbook for my new school. Since I literally live across the street and the end of a cul de sac, I figured that I would be able to walk home for my lunch, have a quick smoke break, eat food at home, which is always better, and walk back in time for class. Sounds good, right?
~~~~~
We have a goddamn closed campus. No exceptions. Ever. Fuck the system!
~~~~~
Also, for those of you who are close to me personally, you know that I am something of a spooky ooky goth kid. I figured, since in Vancouver, I've encountered problems with my gothy attire, I would be able to be freely and openly goth. However, upon perusing the handbook in regards to dress code, I realized something troubling.
~~~~~
My school has an issue with gang violence. So, everything in the handbook is all about gang attire.
~~~~~
This is troubling, because if there has been gang violence in the past, it's way likely that they will target the "freak in black." Which means I need to watch my back. Especially while walking home.
~~~~~
This is so freaking frustrating. These two little things are the most annoying two little things I can think of right now.
~~~~~
So, it was a short rant, but I need to go back over to the school to get my reading list for my lit class. With that I'll say, ciao for now!
~~~~~
So, I registered for my new school today. And, for the first time since the relaunch of Rantings, I have an actual rant for you today. Prepare yourselves.
~~~~~
So, I was going through the handbook for my new school. Since I literally live across the street and the end of a cul de sac, I figured that I would be able to walk home for my lunch, have a quick smoke break, eat food at home, which is always better, and walk back in time for class. Sounds good, right?
~~~~~
We have a goddamn closed campus. No exceptions. Ever. Fuck the system!
~~~~~
Also, for those of you who are close to me personally, you know that I am something of a spooky ooky goth kid. I figured, since in Vancouver, I've encountered problems with my gothy attire, I would be able to be freely and openly goth. However, upon perusing the handbook in regards to dress code, I realized something troubling.
~~~~~
My school has an issue with gang violence. So, everything in the handbook is all about gang attire.
~~~~~
This is troubling, because if there has been gang violence in the past, it's way likely that they will target the "freak in black." Which means I need to watch my back. Especially while walking home.
~~~~~
This is so freaking frustrating. These two little things are the most annoying two little things I can think of right now.
~~~~~
So, it was a short rant, but I need to go back over to the school to get my reading list for my lit class. With that I'll say, ciao for now!
18 August, 2010
Day Two Of My New Life
I finished unpacking at 8.00 AM this morning. I have to say, unpacking is the most exhausting thing ever. I feel like I got run over by a fucking semi. But my room feels like it's mine now. I'm comfortable here now.
~~~~~
Before I discuss the next bit of news, I need to give a bit more back story of my Vancouver life.
~~~~~
My grandparents are extremely stingy. They used to have a lot of money, and they hated spending it on anyone but themselves. Thus, seventeen years and three months into my life, I do not have my driver's license or permit, and I've driven a grand total of maybe five times.
~~~~~
With that said, my stepdad is paying for me to get my permit on Saturday so I can drive his beautiful black 2007 Ford F150...and it's lifted :) And in February, I will get my license. Finally. This has filled me with overwhelming joy.
~~~~~
Basically, moving here, although not exactly my choice, has worked out very nicely for me, and over the next year, will continue to work out well for me. I'm happier than I have been in a long time.
~~~~~
So, on that note, I need to go shower and suchlike, so I guess this is ciao for now!
~~~~~
P.S.--I drove a stick shift for the first time in a high school parking lot last night. In a half hour, I only killed the car like, three times :)
~~~~~
Before I discuss the next bit of news, I need to give a bit more back story of my Vancouver life.
~~~~~
My grandparents are extremely stingy. They used to have a lot of money, and they hated spending it on anyone but themselves. Thus, seventeen years and three months into my life, I do not have my driver's license or permit, and I've driven a grand total of maybe five times.
~~~~~
With that said, my stepdad is paying for me to get my permit on Saturday so I can drive his beautiful black 2007 Ford F150...and it's lifted :) And in February, I will get my license. Finally. This has filled me with overwhelming joy.
~~~~~
Basically, moving here, although not exactly my choice, has worked out very nicely for me, and over the next year, will continue to work out well for me. I'm happier than I have been in a long time.
~~~~~
So, on that note, I need to go shower and suchlike, so I guess this is ciao for now!
~~~~~
P.S.--I drove a stick shift for the first time in a high school parking lot last night. In a half hour, I only killed the car like, three times :)
17 August, 2010
A New Start, A New Home...A New Life
Hello everyone :)
~~~~~
So, as of today, August 17, 2010 at 11.00 AM, I am officially a resident of Hillsboro, Oregon.
~~~~~
This move has been a long time coming for me, it really has been a matter of when, and not so much if. For those of you who don't know me or aren't close friends, let me give you a bit of back story.
~~~~~
I have lived with my grandparents my whole life, across the river in Vancouver, Washington. Eight years ago, my mom moved out of that house and into a different house with my stepfather. My grandparents offered to let me stay so that I didn't have to deal with some huge upheaval...after all, I was only nine at the time. My mom agreed, even though I think it has always been hard for her to be so far away. My mom and stepfather, over the last eight years, have moved more times than I wanted to be part of, but now they have a house that they're hoping to stay in for awhile.
~~~~~
On Sunday, after a big, explosive fight between my mom and my grandparents (things have been tense between them for the past year), my mom informed me I needed to pack my things and be ready to leave by Saturday.
~~~~~
We're not patient people, in case you didn't notice. I didn't want to wait that long, and my mom wanted me away from my grandparents as soon as possible. So, at 10.00 AM, my mom and I packed all my worldly possessions (ha, the worldly possessions of a seventeen year old girl) and I am taking a break from unpacking to decompress here.
~~~~~
To avoid some confusion, I have no problem being out of my grandparents' house. The past eight years have been filled with pointless arguments, verbal abuse, and, in the past few months, just straight up ignoring each other.
~~~~~
So, with that having been said, some of you will likely wonder why I'm still so sad.
~~~~~
I have lived in the same room for as long as I've been conscience and aware. Leaving it was hard. My first dog was brought home to that house, lived out his life, and is currently resting in an oak box on the mantle. Leaving him was hard. My grandparents, no matter how many times we were in screaming fights, have been functioning as my parents for the past eight years, and no matter how much I hate to admit it...leaving them was hard.
~~~~~
Today has been a very emotionally trying day for me, to say the least. But, you, wonderful blog followers, are going to be joining me on a mission...a mission to make this year amazing, memorable, and full of good and great times.
~~~~~
I will be posting as frequently as able, and I'll be sure to include pictures and other fun stuff like that. I thank you for listening, and I hope you continue over the next year.
~~~~~
With that, I must continue the unpacking process. Ciao for now!
~~~~~
So, as of today, August 17, 2010 at 11.00 AM, I am officially a resident of Hillsboro, Oregon.
~~~~~
This move has been a long time coming for me, it really has been a matter of when, and not so much if. For those of you who don't know me or aren't close friends, let me give you a bit of back story.
~~~~~
I have lived with my grandparents my whole life, across the river in Vancouver, Washington. Eight years ago, my mom moved out of that house and into a different house with my stepfather. My grandparents offered to let me stay so that I didn't have to deal with some huge upheaval...after all, I was only nine at the time. My mom agreed, even though I think it has always been hard for her to be so far away. My mom and stepfather, over the last eight years, have moved more times than I wanted to be part of, but now they have a house that they're hoping to stay in for awhile.
~~~~~
On Sunday, after a big, explosive fight between my mom and my grandparents (things have been tense between them for the past year), my mom informed me I needed to pack my things and be ready to leave by Saturday.
~~~~~
We're not patient people, in case you didn't notice. I didn't want to wait that long, and my mom wanted me away from my grandparents as soon as possible. So, at 10.00 AM, my mom and I packed all my worldly possessions (ha, the worldly possessions of a seventeen year old girl) and I am taking a break from unpacking to decompress here.
~~~~~
To avoid some confusion, I have no problem being out of my grandparents' house. The past eight years have been filled with pointless arguments, verbal abuse, and, in the past few months, just straight up ignoring each other.
~~~~~
So, with that having been said, some of you will likely wonder why I'm still so sad.
~~~~~
I have lived in the same room for as long as I've been conscience and aware. Leaving it was hard. My first dog was brought home to that house, lived out his life, and is currently resting in an oak box on the mantle. Leaving him was hard. My grandparents, no matter how many times we were in screaming fights, have been functioning as my parents for the past eight years, and no matter how much I hate to admit it...leaving them was hard.
~~~~~
Today has been a very emotionally trying day for me, to say the least. But, you, wonderful blog followers, are going to be joining me on a mission...a mission to make this year amazing, memorable, and full of good and great times.
~~~~~
I will be posting as frequently as able, and I'll be sure to include pictures and other fun stuff like that. I thank you for listening, and I hope you continue over the next year.
~~~~~
With that, I must continue the unpacking process. Ciao for now!
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